----- Forwarded message -----

To:australiantransportnews@... australiantransportnews@...>
Sent: Saturday, 1 April 2023 at 12:11:58 pm AEDT
Subject: Mon.20.6.22 daily digest

I'd had the 1.12.21 propaganda items in the too-hard folder.

Roderick 

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Mon.20.6.22 Metro Twitter
Flinders St: still with a lane closed for tunnel works? [reopened by July?  Closed again by Nov.]
Campbell Arcade (Flinders St station) is closed until 2024. The exit from the Myki gates within the subway will  also be closed. No pedestrian access between the arcade & Flinders St. Use Elizabeth & Swanston St entry/exits. Platform  interchange via that subway will be available until mid 2022.
Mernda line: Trains will run to an altered timetable until Sep 2022 (works).  Trains operate on a single track Thornbury - Regent, and trains will not stop at Bell or Preston.  Shuttle buses operate Thornbury - Bell - Preston - Regent - Reservoir. No access to station facilities during this time.
Buses replace trains Sunshine - Sunbury until the last train of Wed 29 Jun (works).
We're in Springvale Road, Springvale for #SuburbsofMelbourne Monday, 1965. https://bit.ly/3b9ENlC
Did you meet your partner on the train or just have some tales to tell from your trips? 
Join us this Thursday (23 June) outside the State Library on Swanston Street between 10am - 6pm to share stories about all things public transport.
with a video 'Tell us your love of PTV transport'.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1538764248158986241
15.43 Parliament: No lift access between street level and platforms (an equipment fault). Passengers requiring lift access travel at Melbourne Central or Flagstaff and speak to station staff for assistance.
- 17.40 Lift access has been restored.
- These lifts work? I thought they were there for decoration
16.32 Hallam: No lift access between the concourse and pfm 2 (an equipment fault). Passengers from the city for Hallam travel to Narre Warren, and change for a citybound train returning to Hallam.
Buses replace trains North Melbourne - Upfield from 20.15 until the to last train (maintenance works).
Werribee/Williamstown lines: Buses replace trains on sections from 20.30 until the last train.
Pakenham/Cranbourne lines: Buses replace trains Caulfield - Westall from 20.30 until the last train (works).
Frankston line: Buses replace trains Caulfield - Mordialloc from 20.40 until the last train (maintenance works).
Sunbury/Craigieburn/Upfield lines: All trains direct to/from Flinders St from 21.00 until the last train (works).
Lilydale/Belgrave/Alamein/Glen Waverley lines: All trains direct to/from Flinders St from 21.00 until the last train (works).

Wed.1.12.21 Melbourne 'Herald Sun'.  SRL.  MATT JOHNSTON
The Suburban Rail Loop project linking middle-ring suburbs will spark a jobs and high-rise population boom, helping to ease Melbourne’s “unsustainable” urban sprawl.  Suburbs such as Cheltenham, Glen Waverley and Box Hill will be transformed, as Melbourne leapfrogs Sydney as Australia’s biggest city by early 2027, and marches towards a population of nine million by 2056.
The business case used to justify the Suburban Rail Loop, which would create a circular rail network between Cheltenham and Werribee, says without increasing density in middle suburbs the city’s liveability would plummet.
The $34.5bn first stage of the project, between Cheltenham in the southeast and Box Hill in the east, would kickstart major high rises in established areas, paving the way for 140,000 homes to fill suburbs around new station precincts.
As a result this would see 16,000 households that would have packed up for the city’s fringes, where transport and jobs are less accessible, move into middle suburbs.
“Unless plans to manage population and employment growth are supported by the right infrastructure, Melbourne remains at risk of ongoing unsustainable urban expansion, increasing congestion, flatlining economic growth and declining liveability,” it says.
“Victoria is now expected to grow to 11.2 million people by around 2056 and greater Melbourne will reach around nine million people — a similar size to London today.”
As part of the plan, new job and housing precincts would be created around six new underground stations at Cheltenham, Clayton, Monash, Glen Waverley, Burwood and Box Hill. Those areas would become more dense, attracting industries and services that the government forecasts would create an additional 353,000 jobs over four decades.
“When new areas become more attractive because of infrastructure, this redirects the property market and intensifies urban development, leading to a shift in urban form,” the investment case says.
“Research indicates that increasingly more people prefer to live in a townhouse, semi-detached dwelling or apartment in a middle ring suburb, rather than a detached dwelling on the urban fringe.”
Modelling shows without significant changes such as the rail loop, half of Melbourne’s population is set to live in the “outer ring” of the city by 2056, up from about 45 per cent.
In contrast, the middle ring will house 36 per cent of the population in 2056, down from 45 per cent.
“Ongoing population growth in the outer ring will mean that more people are living in areas with poor access to public transport. This means more people rely on private vehicles, adding to congestion,” the report says.
New precincts around the new stations “will support around 232,000 households and 545,000 jobs by 2056 — up from 92,500 and 192,000 respectively in 2018”.
“As more people call these precincts home, there will be a 1.5 per cent decline in urban expansion by 2056 — with more than 16,000 additional households locating within the inner/ middle ring suburbs rather than in the outer growth areas,” the report says.
Report authors use comparisons to current jobs hubs to illustrate the shift. Cheltenham will have the jobs and homes that Cremorne does now, Clayton will transform into Collingwood, Monash will be more like South Melbourne, and Box Hill will become a new South Yarra.
In the northern section of the project, Bundoora will become more like Albert Park, and Broadmeadows will become a Brunswick.
The other benefit of the transport link would be the number of private car trips taken off roads, which modelling shows would be more than 600,000 a day by mid-century.
Public transport trips would also be much quicker, with a trip between Cheltenham and Box Hill likely to take just 22 minutes.
Transport and infrastructure experts are divided about whether the vast cost of the project, which could be $l20bn once the entire loop between Cheltenham to Werribee is built, gives the best bang for buck to tackle growing pains.
Adjunct professor at the University of Sydney, John Stanley, who has been part of expert planning panels under Liberal and Labor governments, said he doubted Melbourne would balloon to nine million people by mid-century.
“Melbourne was among the fastest growing areas in the world two years ago, but I don’t think that level is sustainable,” he said.
Prof Stanley said creating circumferential transport options were a “tick” with regard to planning for growth, but there was a “question mark” over whether the SRL was the best option — especially with the unknown long- term impact of Covid-19.
Transport Infrastructure Minister Jacinta Allan said the project was critical to Melbourne’s future.
“Suburban Rail Loop is a once-in-a-generation opportunity to get ahead, by shaping where and how our city grows in the decades ahead, as our population grows,” she said.
“SRL is more than a rail line —- it will help us grow sustainably, building on the qualities that make Melbourne one of the world’s most liveable cities, and giving people better access to good transport, jobs, education, health and affordable housing in the middle suburbs.”
Opposition transport infrastructure spokeswoman Louise Staley called for more consultation with communities where “tens of thousands” of extra residents would pour in.

Wed.1.12.21 Melbourne 'Herald Sun'.  'Metro 2'.  MATT JOHNSTON
NEW 15km rail tunnel under the Yarra River that links Melbourne’s west to the northeast is set to be built within two decades, reshaping city and regional travel.
The mega-project, referred to as Metro 2 and likely to cost $22-29bn, would be built in multiple stages to eventually connect Newport to Clifton Hill and untangle suburban rail lines.
The Herald Sun can reveal that government documents relating to the $34.5bn Suburban Rail Loop project state that Metro 2 will be operating by 2041.
Senior ministers and shadow ministers have also described the project as a “no-brainer” as the city’s population balloons, even though neither major party has publicly committed to the cross-city link in the immediate term.
The first stage of the tunnel, to connect Newport to Southern Cross Station and provide up to two stations in growth suburb Fishermans Bend, is also in the long-term state transport plans.
Public transport groups and government advisory bodies back the project, but have urged careful scoping due to the expected high cost and complexity of the tunnel, which would cross the Yarra at two separate points.
New underground stations would likely be built at Newport, Fishermans Bend West, Fishermans Bend Sandridge and Southern Cross.
This would slash up to 10 minutes from trips to the CBD from suburbs such as Laverton, would decouple western suburbs rail lines and enable faster direct Geelong services.
The route of the second stage is not yet set, but Infrastructure Victoria has explored two options including using an old Inner Circle rail route or going more direct to Clifton Hill via Parkville and potentially Fitzroy.
Infrastructure Victoria acting chief executive Jonathan Spear said the project would “unlock the potential at Fishermans Bend” but the government would need to carefully plan the route.
“It’s probably the project with the most benefits, but it’s also probably got the most costs,” he said.
“You wouldn’t build it all at once, it would take many years to do.”
In August, Infrastructure Victoria updated its assessment of Metro 2, estimating it would cost between $ll.lbn and $l4.8bn for the first stage and $l0.5bn and $l3.9bn for the second.
Stage two work assumed station connections or new hubs at Flagstaff, Parkville, Fitzroy and Clifton Hill. Metro 2 was one of five key projects identified in Infrastructure Victoria’s 30-year blueprint for road and rail.
And modelling for the Andrews government’s Suburban Rail Loop, also released in August, reveals that the full Metro 2 project will be up and running by 2041, when the second stage of the SRL is due to be under construction.
The “base case” in the modelling says Melbourne Metro 2 will include a “Newport Tunnel operational with Geelong and Werribee services from the west running to Mernda”.
Parkville’s Eleanor Cooney Hunt, 21, said the project would be “incredibly beneficial” to the community.
“I work in the city and spend so much time walking to and from work because our tram or train lines are so far away,” Ms Cooney Hunt said.
“It’s also difficult to get directly to areas like Fitzroy and Clifton Hill without a car. “Parkville is so close to the city but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes because the public transport is so unreliable, and it takes a while to get anywhere. “It feels very disconnected.”
Opposition transport infrastructure spokeswoman Louise Staley said the Coalition would release its transport plans before the election but backed the project long term as a “natural corollary to Metro 1”.
“It needs to be built, it’s a priority project in the sense that it’s got experts backing it,” Ms Staley said.
“It frees up the other lines currently coming through the City Loop.” Public Transport Users Association spokesman Daniel Bowen said the link was more than just a rail project due to its impact on planning, jobs and housing.
“It’s one of those big projects that’s not just about Melbourne rail capacity, it’s about Fishermans Bend and making that work, and the potential for fast rail to Geelong,” Mr Bowen said.
Transport Infrastructure Minister Jacinta Allan said the Metro Tunnel currently being built was the priority, but added that works “are future- proofed for any future second tunnel especially around the new Parkville Station”.
“We’re doing the right projects in the right order for a growing Melbourne — we’re building the Metro Tunnel, starting the Suburban Rail Loop, getting on with the Airport Rail, duplicating and extending train lines to growing suburbs, and upgrading every regional rail line,” Ms Allan said.

Wed.1.12.21 Melbourne 'Herald Sun'.  How you will travel.
By 2027 Melbourne will be the nation's biggest city, putting extra strain on our transport networks. Here's how our roads and public-transport system will look by then.
*  62.000 electric cars will be travelling on Victorian roads by 2027, six times as many as today.
* Fewer people will drive into the CBD, with the number of cars entering the Hoddle Grid dropping from 200 000 in 2019 to 150 000.
* Western suburbs drivers will have a second major crossing with the WEST GATE TUNNEL
* Melbourne's fourth toll road - the NORTH EAST LINK - will be on the verge of opening
*  Five new stations will be operating in or close to Melbourne CBD, with the 9 km Swanston St tunnel to open in 2025.
* Travellers will still be at risk of being caught in traffic snarls en route to Melbourne Airport with the much-anticipated RAIL LINK still two years away
* The first stage of the SUBURBAN RAIL LOOP will still be eight years from opening - despite being announced almost a decade earlier
* Two in five Metro workers will be WOMEN.
MELBOURNE AIRPORT RAIL LINK Planning complete in 2029, cost $8-13b
Expected to open by the end of the decade, the link will run via the metro tunnel and an upgraded Sunshine station. Travel from the CBD to the airport will take 30 minutes, with the biggest travel savings at peak hour. A trip from Caulfield to the airport will take 42 minutes - that's 30 minutes quicker than in peak hours today. Geelong Fast Rail will also open at a similar time, cutting train trip times to Melbourne to 50 minutes.
METRO TUNNEL Under construction for 2025 $13.4b
The new 9km twin rail tunnel from Kensmgton to South Yarra will include five new stations to enable more trains to run more often. Passengers travelling to Parkville will have their journey reduced by 5-20 minutes depending on which line they start on. A journey to the St Kilda Rd employment preclnct will be reduced by 25 minutes for people on the Cranbourne/Pakenham line.
LEVEL CROSSINGS Under construction 85 removed by, 2025, cost TBC
The Cranbourne, Pakenham and Lilydale lines will be free of level crossings by 2025. Travel will be more reliable, with motorists no longer stuck at boom gates.
Trains will also be capable of running faster on key lines, paving the way for more frequent services.
SUBURBAN RAIL LOOP Planning 2035 and $30-$34.5bn for the first stage
Stage one is set to open by 2035, linking Cheltenham to Box Hill. A journey between those two suburbs will take 22 minutes, cutting public transport commutes in half. Stage two will link Box Hill to Tullamarine, via Bundoora and Broadmeadows. This will slash travel times from the airport to Monash University by 51 minutes.

$100m to be stripped from upgrade of Sydney’s Central Station. Matt O'Sullivan June 20, 2022
A major upgrade of Central Station’s historic buildings is set to be pared back in an attempt by a controversial state-owned corporation now controlling NSW’s rail assets to slash the project’s costs by more than $100 million.
A new “transparent roof” over the grand concourse at Central and restoration of the station’s historic sandstone facade, as well as upgrades to other buildings, are part of the long-awaited revamp.
A new “transparent roof” will be built for Central Station’s grand concourse.CREDIT:STEVEN SIEWERT
Amid surging construction expenses, confidential board papers for the Transport Asset Holding Entity (TAHE) show it has been searching for ways to slash the cost of the upgrade at Sydney’s busiest train station. The final business case for the project had originally put the cost at $445 million.
However, a team charged with finding savings has proposed cutting the cost by $100.8 million to $345 million, which would include reducing the amount spent on the new roof. It has also suggested a $10 million reduction to the work restoring the station’s sandstone facade.
The revamp is separate to the construction of platforms for a new metro rail line and a major underground pedestrian link at Central, which has risen in cost by $185 million to $1.14 billion. That project is in its final stages.
The February board papers – obtained by the Herald – show plans to publicly reveal the revamp of the station’s main buildings late this year, months before the next state election.
A major upgrade of Central Station’s historic buildings is set to be pared back.CREDIT:STEVEN SIEWERT
The Herald this week revealed TAHE’s ambitious plans to sell or redevelop land across Sydney’s rail network and morph into a big property developer to deliver more than $40 billion in government windfalls.
Part of that plan over the next three years is to accelerate work on an $11.6 billion development of 24 hectares of government-owned land in and around Central Station, as well as a further 10 hectares at Redfern and North Eveleigh.
The confidential documents show plans to sell or develop a 3500-square-metre site on Gibbons Street near Redfern station, as well as a precinct around the historic Clothing Store building at North Eveleigh.
TAHE, which controls billions of dollars worth of the state’s rail assets including trains and stations, has been the subject of a parliamentary inquiry since a Herald investigation revealed it had been set up to artificially inflate the NSW budget.
Shadow treasurer Daniel Mookhey said the latest revelations were “proof that no one should trust TAHE with the public’s rail assets”.
“If TAHE wasn’t bankrolling a battalion of consultants to flog off the public’s assets, it would have more money to spend on maintaining them,” he said.
Internal documents show TAHE plans to spend $34.5 million on consultants over four years. Late last year it hired PR firm SEC Newgate to advise it on repairing its battered reputation.
A TAHE spokeswoman said the corporation had not finalised detailed plans for the Central Station upgrade and continued to work on the proposal.
“We will always strive for the most cost-effective option without compromising on quality or safety,” she said.
RELATED ARTICLE Sydney central station gif The tough task threading a train line through Sydney’s crown jewel
<www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/100m-to-be-stripped-from-upgrade-of-sydney-s-central-station-20220616-p5au4j.html>
* Why not save some real money and scrap the relocation of the Powerhouse museum? And don’t get me started on the billions wasted on unneeded stadiums. Time to vote this mob out.
* Why am I not surprised that they have chosen to reduce the work required on the sandstone facade? The LNP certainly don’t care about our heritage or history. Heritage buildings require upkeep to stay in good repair and condition. Remember the old adage a stitch in time saves nine. Our heritage buildings deserve better. I’m sure there are other areas of unnecessary largesse they could cut back to reduce costs. I also wonder when the next audit of TAHE will take place. Perhaps this sudden urge to save $100 million dollars is needed to fund the millions required for all the projects announced in the last few weeks.
* Maybe they should have thought about this before they started pulling down perfectly good stadiums. The amount of money wasted by this Government is outrageous.
* All projects suffering from massive cost over runs. Someone is not doing their job properly.
* There's a logical solution to this situation. State Parliament can be relocated to Central Station and the Macquarie Street site sold to developers to build high rise towers with the best views in Sydney. The grand sandstone building at Central is more appropriate for a Parliament House than the existing one. It would bring the politicians closer to the public and make it easier for them and their staffers to get to work.
* "Internal documents show TAHE plans to spend $34.5 million on consultants over four years. Late last year it hired PR firm SEC Newgate to advise it on repairing its battered reputation." I'll do it for free - Do the right thing by the public and spend wisely and fairly and fiscally responsibly. Do this for a period of time and the reputation will turn around.
* These LNP duds have to go. They seem to think they are above the public view on verything.
* Scrap TAHE and bring the assets back to Transport and stop the spreadsheet manipulation of their balance sheet. This is well beyond a joke.
* NSW LNP is falling into the same trap the Federal LNP did. Too long in power, stopped caring about accountability, making bad decisions not in the public interest because they feel they can get away with it, covering up poor (and expensive) decisions and mistakes via marketing, no energy or plan for the long term. They need to go.
* Central station is much nice now. Easier to get around, airier, lighter and with better visibility. A dramatic improvement on the dreary rabbit warren of old. It is wonderful to see that a Liberal government is taking public transport seriously. Labor spent years pandering to union feather bedding.
* Of course it will. How else will the NRL be able to operate... “The state government will spend $113m to support the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs, St George Illawarra Dragons and Parramatta Eels in delivering three new centres of excellence to find and develop future male and female NRL and NRLW players . . .” (https://www.smh.com.au/sport/why-are-nrl-clubs-receiving-government-hand-outs-20220616-p5au9z.html)
* $25 Million on a flag pole $216 Million to plan a revamp for circular quay Monday negative $100 million on central station upgrade. Priorities all over the shop
* Money for asthetics is a joke. Just imagine being blind - how would that $100 million add value ? Or what difference between that red city metro multi billion joke, or just a Bus in a dedicated road lane ?
* You could start by contributing that ridiculous $25mil price tag for adding another flagpole to the Harbour bridge. Get it done for $500k and donate the rest to Central Station.
* "Internal documents show TAHE plans to spend $34.5 million on consultants over four years. Late last year it hired PR firm SEC Newgate to advise it on repairing its battered reputation." How about slashing the consultancy costs... use TfNSW instead
* Call your local MP and tell them this is unacceptable. This isn’t just a Sydney issue. Dom is worse than Gladys. Developers getting to do as they please with PUBLIC transport.
* No amount of money can make Central Station anything better than a pain in the proverbial for all who are forced to pass through it.
* They should take $25m from the extra flag pole on the Harbour bridge. We have 2 there already - one for th Australian flag and one for the Aboriginal flag (forget th NSW flag).
* After the election, like we did at the Federal level, we will discover what a disaster the LNP has left us with.
* Have to find the money to pay consultants for more lovely artist's impressions of what won't happen at Circular Quay. The upside is what won't happen at Circular Quay.
* The NSW Governments job is to provide services and keep those services and building maintained . The NSW Government's job is to not be a property developer .
* TAHE is a symptom, not the problem. The problem is that the government is ideologically driven to do things in particular ways that aren't beneficial, and nobody is telling them not to. One thing we've learnt, for example, is that we've had to suffer things like power privatisation when land and other assets could have been sold off and developed doing far less damage to the State economy and to residents of NSW. Another is that land that was in government hands and could have been used for public benefit activities (in particular replacing public housing and developing affordable housing, and developing public service buildings) will now have to. be developed at the most profit, because of the design of TAHE. That will cost the government, as it will have to put additional affordable and public housing schemes on other land at higher cost, while TAHE won't return much as it is stuck with the rail network cost, Thirdly, this process is going to have a negative effect on urban planning, since what TAHE decides - for profit - is what will happen. In the meantime, there will of course be a lot of controversy around multiple developments, .That in turn will cause management of the rail assets to be a secondary concern and an undesirable drain on resources, to be cut back on. Ultimately, despite what they say, they will compromise on quality and safety, sooner or later. It always happens. Finally, TAHE will in turn be subject to government decisions on transport activity. This government will just turn to a different and incompatible solution to each transport development that is needed, and that will have a negative effect on the rail assets and associated land assets that TAHE is dependent on. Finally, we are not running these developments in a void, but with an already pretty full rail network. Anything TAHE does around the rail network is likely to be dependent on pushing more people onto crowded trains, and onto the road system around stations. This will necessarily impact existing users. If that's not carefully managed it will do more harm than good. Whether or not Central Station gets a new roof now or in a few years' time is pretty minor in the scheme of things.
* Let’s send this LNP gang into the wilderness at the forthcoming election. They care more for splashing the cash on consultants and looking after one of their own with a plum job in NY than preserving our historical assets.
* great we can have more footy stadiums, which no one use.
* TAHE is expanding the "customer experience" at Central by shutting down the cafes and paper shops on the concourses. Want to buy a magazine or coffee to take on trip? Too bad, "plenty of facilities off the station".
* Don't worry about it - there is an election in March 2023 and the LNP will be history - sensible people will then bring this TAHE shambles under control and common sense will prevail. Don't worry about it
* You may be right about the election result, but this is NSW Labor we are talking about, not the Federal team. Given that this is probably being driven by consultants and senior public servants, I suspect that any incoming government will decide to try and make TAHE work as currently designed. I foresee this being a problem for decades to come.
* Still laughing
* Sensible in both sides of government? I'm worrying.
* Let’s all hope so
* I hope you are right. So many LNP seem to think so few of the rest of us can think for ourselves.
* Yes worry about it because that election is months away and imagine the damage they can do in the meantime, starting with not restoring Central Station properly! Appalling dereliction of government responsibility and duty yet again by the LNP

Flying high to improve train safety.  RAY CHAN June 20, 2022
Two new drones are taking to the skies to combat trespassing on Melbourne’s train network.
Trespassing on or near train tracks can cause significant trauma for staff, passengers and the community, as well as cause major disruptions for passengers.
When unauthorised persons enter the rail corridor or other restricted areas on the network, Metro cannot operate trains until it is deemed safe to do so.
To reduce the impact of such intrusions, Metro is trialling a new drone program as a rapid response to offenders in the rail corridor.
Metro’s Head of Security Operations Jim Dimitrioski said paired with current trespassing initiatives and strong partnership with Victoria Police, the drone program will contribute to lowering the number of trespasser incidents on the network and ensuring the safety of people, passengers and reliability of services.
The program consists of two drones and four qualified drone pilots who have gained their remotely piloted aircraft licenses.
These drones can be used for proactive patrolling during special events and also for on-hand incident management.
Drones can fly over the train tracks, send updates and live footage back to the team on the ground, reducing the time it takes to clear incidents.
Public Transport Minister Ben Carroll said trespassing was dangerous and the safety of the community required everyone to be aware and alert around trains.
“It is great to see that Metro are continuing to work hard to reduce trespassing on the rail network and minimise disruption to our passengers so they can get to where they need to go safely,” he said.
The drone capability will give access to the exact locations of trespassers, ensuring crews can attend quickly. The drones will provide real-time updates to Metro’s Control Centre and Victoria Police during an incident.
The program is in its early stages and is currently operating in Melbourne’s western suburbs on the Werribee Line with plans to increase the use of the drones to other parts of the network and even conduct infrastructure inspections.
A single trespasser at one of Melbourne’s busiest central stations can potentially disrupt as many as 50,000 train passengers.
To reduce trespasser incidents, Metro also has more than 12,500 CCTV cameras across the network and initiatives including anti-trespass ground panels and thermal imaging cameras.
<www.railexpress.com.au/flying-high-to-improve-train-safety> [go back for lots of links]

Mon.20.6.22 Melbourne 'Herald Sun'.  Bike lanes.  MICHAEL SCAMMELLI
TOWN Hall is doubling down on bike lanes. Following complaints from the Transport Workers Union about how 19km of new lanes built in the CBD during lockdown stops their delivery driver members from doing their jobs, Lord Mayor Sally Capp has announced a “pause”.
But she’s toying with us as she then adds there’s 40km of lanes still to go if they want to meet their KPIs — and you should never come between a council and its KPIs, especially if you’ve paid consultants for the recommendations.
It’s the Pantene Principle of public policy: it won’t happen immediately, but it will happen.
It isn’t just the drivers — local businesses, residents, motorists and me are all complaining.
It’s all very Zen and local government and consultative just like the neglected concrete bollards outside Flinders Street Station (or insert any other Melbourne landmark here) installed years ago to keep the terrorists away.
I’ve been thinking a lot about bike lanes lately. But mainly last week, when I sat for 40 minutes across from the brightly lit Crown Casino entrance in a Queens Bridge St traffic bottleneck because three lanes have been reduced to one with concrete bollards, raised tram-only lanes, and super sized arrows that I keep taking personally now in place.
The only bonus being I could watch the cashed-up, casual-wear, no-runners, masses walking into Crown and know I wasn’t Saturday night’s biggest loser after all.
We all know — because council keeps telling us — cycling is one of the four most interesting things Melburnians talk about, the others being AFL (insert team here), the weather (gee, it’s cold, hot, wet — insert hour of day here) and which form of the arts we most like to pretend we have an interest in.
Which goes without saying, as Melbourne is the culture capital of Australia, but no one ever said anything about a cultural love of concreting, lane removals or those new council-approved lime green electric scooters that will run you over as you innocently try to read your social media while crossing a busy Swanston St intersection.
For a Saturday night, it was all very passive-aggressive but not in a good way, like when you go to the footy at the MCG and try to buy a meat pie using cash.
Rather than a cyc1ist’s picture-perfect Amsterdam vibe, it felt more like being shouted at by a giant turn left light to get the hell out of my car.
If only cars could talk - and as you know most of them can these days. But what would they say back, and would it involve bicycles?
But let’s go with that cultural vibe.
Certainly these cycling paths have an artsy Kafkaesque maze it’s-just-like-Europe-but-not-really vibe which will resonate with any cultured Melburnians planning to holiday in Prague for their first international holiday in two years.
That’s if they can get their passport renewed.
Ironically, famed Prague-born novelist and chronicler of bureaucratic nightmares Franz Kafka hated cold weather, never rode a bike or played AF L, as he was a weedy guy, with few friends who died after his fiancee rejected him for not getting a real job. He would have hated Melbourne.
If Melbourne City Council was a cheap 1990s late-night television commercial, it would be the iconic Melbourne-based Ken Bruce furniture ads which as we all remember featured Ken Bruce in a straight jacket because his prices were rock bottom and “Ken Bruce has gone mad”. Because Melbourne council has also quiet
literally gone mad about cycling paths and doesn’t seem to know how to stop, not even with the biggest discounts, parking fines or traffic jams in town.
They stopped making those ads years ago because they were poorly made, irritating and quite possibly offensive to people that like complaining about television ads on Twitter.
Yet the cyclists these cycle lanes are built for are often also past their use—by date, overweight Lycra-wearing MAMILs that are offensive and quiet possibly irritating if you have to sit near them when visiting a cafe on Sunday morning. Especially if they start talking about their European holiday with a Prague stay-over.
Apparently, the reason for a cycling lane building “pause” is because as we all rush back to the city after Covid (good luck with that), we’re all going to be surprised by the lanes and will need time to adjust.
But this is just the council patting us on the head and telling us its for our own good, like it does whenever putting the rates up, reducing their services or giving us a new coloured bin.
When it comes to the bike lanes, Sally Capp says the council just need time to see if they have the “mechanics” right.
It’s like they’re driving the delivery vans themselves.

Mon.20.6.22 Melbourne 'Herald Sun'.  VICTORIA POLICE PLANNED OPERATION IN PAKENHAM [the area surrounds the station]
DECLARATION OF DESIGNATED AREA UNDER SECTION 10D (1) OF THE CONTROL OF WEAPONS ACT 1990
The Assistant Commissioner, Southern Metro Region, acting as a delegate of the Chief Commissioner of Police under Section 10D (1) of the Control of Weapons Act 1990, declares as a designated area in all public places within the Cardinia Shire that is within the area bounded by and including South-East of Rogers Street and Stephenson Street, South of Henry Street, North of Flower Street, Drake Place, Bald Hill Road and Main Street and West of Racecourse Road, but not including those roads. (Road has the same meaning as in Section 3 of the Road safety Act 1986).
Refer to Map: www.gazette.vic.gov.au (Gazette S301-22)
This declaration will operate on the 25th of June 2022 between 2:00pm and 10:00pm during which time members of the police force are authorised to exercise the following powers: [the usual list]